Lent Week 1

Here we are! Ash Wednesday

You can find all of the prep you need and links discussed HERE!

This week, we'll be focusing on John 6:35 "I am the bread of life."

The way we structure our time is what works for us. Our kids are 9 and 5 and have a pretty decent attention span. They also have tasks assigned during our family Lenten time. You also can meet together as a family as many days a week as you want to/can/remember/can get everyone on the same page. Lee will be gone several evenings this week, so I will do the Lent devotion with the kids and he'll join in with us when he gets back! Whatever works for you!

Here is a basic formula of what we will do this week. These concepts are fun for the kids (And adults) to remember and recall. Words in italics are things I may say to help guide conversation!

• Light a candle and pull out the toy piece of bread.

For our first week of Lent, we are going to be looking at a verse in the book of John. Chapter 6 verse 35. If your kids have their own Bibles, this is a great way for them to navigate that massive book with your help. Help them turn to the scripture.

"Then Jesus declared, I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."

Have you ever been hungry? How about thirsty? 

We all have. But the type of hunger Jesus is talking about here isn't when our stomachs are empty. Jesus is telling people that he is going to be the only one who can make us not want anything else. He loves us so much that he gives us everything we need. Maybe that thing that we need is our food! He makes sure we have it. But maybe it's something else. Jesus gives us something that no one else can give us. He gives us love, and peace, and joy, and hope. But Jesus also gave us LIFE!! He made each of us and because of Jesus, we get to always be in a relationship with Him if we believe in Him! 

For us, at this point, we will read the Lenten devotion by Erin Moon and do The Divine Hour. Nina and I take turns reading and Brooks leads the Lord's prayer. We do The Gloria together.

Other options to elaborate on the story throughout the week:
- Memorize John 6:35 together as a family this week.
- Discuss Jesus feeding the multitudes in the Gospels
- Discuss manna in the Old Testament
- Talk about Jesus being born in Bethlehem which was called "The House of Bread"
- Make a loaf of bread and take it to a friend

Please comment if you make any changes so others can see and share what you're doing!

Happy Ash Wednesday everyone! (That sounds like a contradiction...)

"To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under the heavens." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Family Lent

In recent years, Lee and I have been very convicted by the amount of time we spend investing in Advent that we don't spend in Lent. Both are seasons of preparation and both are so important to our faith. However, Advent means nothing if not for the Cross. And, it's up to us as parents to make sure our children feel the same way.

I will attempt to make a post a few days before the "new week" of Lent begins. However, today, I'm going to help you gather the supplies you will need for the entire Lenten season

Food!
Let's be honest: food is our favorite part, right?!

Many people chose different food option as a penance for Lent. If this is you, adjust accordingly.

Ash Wednesday and Fridays are no meat except for fish. On Ash Wednesday, we will be having Pesto Pizza on Ash Wednesday and Fish Almondine on Friday (the recipe isn't posted online yet to link to.... It's in the newest Pioneer Woman cookbook)

On Fat Tuesday, we will be having New Orleans fare: Red Beans and Rice for dinner and I will be making this recipe for a King Cake!

Adults
Lee and I will be doing this incredible Lent guide. Erin Moon is a Bible scholar and one of the funniest people I've "known". (I mean, I follow her on Instagram.... so we're basically besties, yes?) We will be reading this guide in conjunction with our one year Bibles and The Bible Recap (Basically, what I'm telling you, is that everything you need is on the interwebs...)

Kids
Our kids are 5 and 9 and most of our Lenten activities are geared toward that demographic. Also, our kids are used to liturgy. Lee and I both really enjoy The Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle . Lee was a rockstar and revised The Divine Hours and made it with more kid friendly language. You can download that here, if it's something you want to do. It helps to learn how to pray through Scripture and to learn the Lord's Prayer. It's beautiful to hear our children recite The Gloria and the Lord's Prayer in your living room at night. Learning the phrases and the words that have been recited by Christians for centuries brings tears to my eyes.

We went to the Dollar Tree and got little votives and candles. We shaped them into a cross with 8 candles. (We actually place ours on a wooden cross made from materials from the old dining hall at the camp where we met and both love to serve.) On each week (And on Good Friday and Easter Sunday), we will light a different candle and talk about the different "I am" statements taken from the book of John. (Adapted from "Finding I Am" by Lysa TerKeurst

Supplies
HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS: WE ARE NOT EXPERTS IN THIS. But we started doing this last year when we weren't able to find materials about how to lead a family during Lent and were amazed at how the Holy Spirit really spoke to their growing hearts through this season. Most of the supplies we used, we found in their toys. Actually, correction: ALL of them were found in the toys:

(except for the nail...)

• A piece of bread. (Don't use real bread if you have animals or The Bread of Life will be consumed prior to the Last Supper...)
• A light - a lantern, flashlight... whatever you can find to illuminate
• A gate- we used a little gate from the kids' Little People farm set. If you don't have that, build one out of popsicle sticks or toothpicks. 
• A lamb and a man. Again, we got these from the Little People box (Seriously some of THE most useful toys around) You're looking for something to be a shepherd. Be creative
• Something to show the way. We used a toy compass, an arrow, a road sign... You could even print off any of those
• A vine. It could be a twig or a switch, or an ivy branch.
• A nail
• An empty Easter egg

Every week, I will post what we will work through with our kids on our journey to the Cross. As a family, we will work to memorize the scripture verse with each of the "I Am" statements. 

Erin Moon also has a Lenten playlist on Spotify that I plan on having on in the evenings around the house (While cooking dinner, doing chores, etc.) Here is the link to that! 

How our children approach the Cross and the Holy seasons of our faith is up to how we demonstrate, as parents, their importance. If they 1) see it as a priority to us and 2) see us live it out in our lives (And not just doing it in front of them), they are more likely to internalize the Lord's teachings. 

The new week for the Lenten season starts on Wednesdays! I will try to upload that upcoming week's family devotion no later than Tuesday morning so you have a few minutes to look over the lesson. 

One of the most common things with Lent is for people to "give something up". For the most part, I don't think that our children grasp this concept or can understand the concept of sacrifice without falling into the trap of legalism. We try to add something IN to their lives. For us, it's making sure we're diligent to read their Bibles with them. I think we will also opt for no tv after school for any of us to create a more quiet home. And having worship music on around the house. The more WE have a heart of worship through our days, the more THEY will. 

PLEASE reach out to us with questions or things you're changing! Sharing is caring! So excited for this journey with you all! 

Psalm 145:4 "Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts; let them proclaim your power."

A Running Conversation on Stinkin' Thinkin'

“You okay?” 

I hate this question. I’m not the silent treatment type. If something is wrong, I WANT to talk it out. Unless I truly don’t want to talk about it (Which normally means I’m inside of my head and not offended by something.) 

Which, if I’m being honest, it kind of makes me tailspin. “No, nothing is wrong. But something must act like it’s wrong. Maybe I’m putting off a vibe… Ugh, why do you have a problem being normal?! People think there’s something wrong with you and there isn’t. Or is there? Are you upset about something?!” I search my brain to see if MAYBE I REALLY AM UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING AND DON’T EVEN KNOW IT YET?!

Finishing up April and this was my thought process. A lot. I finished the month of April accomplishing almost none of my goals for the month. Personal, professional, health…. Nada. And I was letting it eat at me. I told Lee on Sunday that I just felt like one big disappointment. Like I was disappointing people all around me - but most of all, disappointing myself. 

However, with just hours left on the month of no-goals-met, I was reminded of the need to choose joy. It had been a hard month: stomach bug, autoimmune flare, a remodel which sent my Type A spinning…. So many friends in bad bad situations… I was in my head and I was drowning in sorrow for friends and family… and for myself. 

All of those things combined and I was deep in, what our pastor calls, “Stinkin’ Thinkin’”. But I had a friend who posted this upbeat post that reminded me that I was choosing a slump. I was choosing this negative thought process just by not doing anything to combat it. 

So, this morning, I noticed the weather was way too pretty to not go for a walk outside. I mean, I felt too defeated to run… I hadn’t run since my back went out in October. But my chiropractor has that healing so much. And I had run half marathons before. Pregnant. Surely I could do the first day of a couch to 5K… So, I suited up. I was going to tackle this thing. And I couldn’t do it alone. 

So, I asked God to combat my negative thoughts with thoughts of gratitude and we had a LONG conversation about that today. I would say the negative thought and then I would wait for Him to reveal truth to me. And He showed up. 

“I hate that my body has revolted against itself and feels so tired and run down.” 

-“Your body took a toll during delivery of two awesome kiddos. You body is still working to heal itself. And how awesome that the body I made for you has been such a comeback kid when the odds were stacked against you.”

“Ugh. My back.”

-“I made your body a little lopsided. It will force you to rest when your enneagram 3 says “no”. Listen to it.”

“I feel so sad for _______ and their current struggle with ________”

-“I know. I’m sad for them too. But I’m with them and I’m holding them. Trust me in that and you just love on them. I love them and their situation more than you do.”

“I didn’t meet my goal with _____”

-“But, this month you worked with your husband remodeling a room and spending money and you didn’t argue once. You worked together as a team and had a lot of great conversations. You nursed your family back to health when they were sick. You observed Lent during a time of complete spiritual exhaustion. You spent time with family and stayed up with your Bible reading. My mercies are new every morning. Act like it. Some goals may not have been met. But, this month was surely not a wash.”

“I was late for _____”

-“You showed up.”

“These kiddos are trying me. I am a complete failure at raising them.”

-“I gave these kids to YOU because I trusted you with them. You prayed for them and Lee and I gave them to you specifically. Treat them (both with actions and words) with that amount of care and love. They know they’re safe and loved. They don’t raise themselves and it takes hard work and consistency. Don’t forget your goal is to raise them to know my love. Love them like I do. Sometimes that means discipline. Sometimes it means grace. I’ll let you know when to do which. But let me in when you’re struggling. I love them so much more than you do. You’re not alone. And don’t let them sass.” 

(Okay… maybe that last sentence was my input/high five as I received that one…)

“I feel overwhelmed and like a disappointment.”

-“You can’t disappoint me. To be disappointed, you have to have expectations. I don’t have any. I split the sea and I prepare the way. But you have to get up and do the thing. Today, you put on your shoes and your worship music. Don’t beat yourself up about the past. I don’t ask you to meet human expectations because that is an impossible task. I ask you to do the tasks I put before you and to love people along the way. Today, rest in that. Tomorrow, show up again. I told you in James to consider it pure joy when tests and trials come your way. Sometimes you forgot to chat with me about it and you forgot that part. But today, we’re talking it out. Today, is a new day and a new month. My thoughts toward you are ones of victory and not defeat. But the battle is mine not yours. Just as this run has been one of the first in a long time and it’s been hard and will make you sore. Tomorrow, show back up and it will get easier. We’ll do it together. Don’t lift your chin for your own work. Nothing you do is on your own. I am the lifter of your head. Let me do the work and give me the glory. Everything else is just things of the world.  Don’t forget this whole thing is about me. Hold that head I made high, child. You’re mine and you’re deeply loved. Last month was hard and you’re tired. But you’re seen and known and I gave you the grace to get through it and will give it to you again.”

I ran in silence for a bit… no thinking or talking. God was silent too. 

Then He spoke as I faced my least favorite hill of our neighborhood: 

-“Carmen, life is a lot like running. You’re going to go up hills and down hills. It’s the way it works.  Sometimes you’ll think you won’t make it up or that it’s too steep to go down. But I’ve given you the scriptures to prepare you to give you insight to what I’m thinking. And then let’s talk about what you think I’m saying. For now, admire the smell of that lilac in their yard, laugh at the dog whose bark is bigger than his bite, admire the older gentleman whose legs have been holding him up a long time and he chooses to walk. Enjoy the sunshine. Thank me for your body and your circumstances of the last month. Trust me. Now, remember these words and don’t believe what other people tell you more than what I have said to you. Remember, this is about me to begin with.” 

By this point in my run, I couldn’t tell what was sweat and what was tears. But I was up that hill. Tomorrow, I’ll show back up. Tomorrow, I will continue to choose joy. Even if He has to remind me. 

I Am Living in Sin

I am living in sin. Many of us joke about it. We take medications because of it. We call it a “struggle” or “the way I am”. We’re insecure about it and blame it on everything from stress to genetics to diets not working to medical conditions. We’re depressed, broken, and unhealthy and we don’t call it what it is. We look for quick fixes and extreme measures to cover up this sin. But until we DEAL with the sin that it is, the nasty dark side of this sin, it will continue to completely consume us. 

I am overweight. I am overweight because I have chosen to live in sin. I have refused to accept the fruit of the Spirit of self-control. I have given in to my laziness and refuse to accept the only possession that God gifted me with His own hands. I was knit together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:19) and have allowed myself to unravel my threads one at a time and have done nothing to stop it besides blaming it on my circumstances instead of acknowledging that I have been the one untying the strings myself. That I am slowly committing suicide. 

God and I work things out together a lot. When we have major things that He is revealing to me, it becomes consuming. It’s like He knows me well enough (duh) to know that if He isn’t INSISTENT then I will brush it off and move on to dealing with the “acceptable” sins. My brain has been so muddled with this concept that I’m trying to make sense of it all myself. So, hang with me as we process it together. 

I also want you to hear me say that this is not just an issue of a person whose pants are too tight. I openly acknowledge that I also struggled with this same sin when I was a teenager/young adult and I battled with my own bodily abuse by calorie restricting and personal starvation. Or when I was a healthy weight, but had high cholesterol to a point where my doctor wanted me to go on medication. I was “skinny fat”. Healthy weight, but feeding my body crap food without regards to the necessary fuel my system needed. I also want you to know that God made us in different shapes and sizes and we’re not all called to weigh 105 lbs and be a size 2. Some of us DO have conditions and genes that make weight loss harder than others. But hear me, this is NOT about weight loss. The vast majority of us who fall into the “overweight” or “obese” category are there on our own doing. Or lack of doing. 

I have been in church three times a week for 35.5 years. We are also completing Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University and I began to think about how often, in churches, we discuss “being good stewards” or “stewardship” in regards to caring for our finances or  our church buildings. While many of these are gifts from the Lord, none of them were handed to us straight from His hands like our bodies were. Why is all of our focus about being good caretakers about those things and I venture to say never hear anyone discuss the sin of lack of exercise or continual poor food choices. (And, if I’m being fair, we often hear about substance abuse because…. well, if I’m being honest, those things, if we’re using them, rarely do we carry them with us for the world to see…) I HAVE heard many lessons and sermons about “speaking the truth in love” and “holding your brother and sister accountable” but, do you know, as I have progressively packed on a lot of weight, I haven’t had a single person discuss it with me? I wonder how it would have been differently if I had begun to openly engage in an affair? Would everyone that I love just accept it as a “struggle” and the way I “deal with stress”? All the while, Americans who qualify as “overweight” or “obese” are filling our pews and we continue to NOT address the personal abuse we are inflicting on our bodies. Heart disease is the number one killer of Americans, and a huge number of those are self-inflicted by our lifestyles. Substance abuse isn’t even listed in the top 10. But which are we spending our time talking about?

I am not advocating for people of healthy weight to begin to confront those of us who aren’t there. That isn’t helpful. (And may end with some people receiving black eyes) But, we often see our spouses, family, or friends who are trying to go through the muck of coming out from drowning in these sinful decisions that aren’t bathed in the Spirit and ask them to get ice cream or pizza. Or to just cuddle and watch a movie instead of going for a walk. Or bring them a cake as a “gift” and instead actually pose as a stumbling block to our sister or brother that causes them to slip back into old patterns (Romans 14:13). I equate this to the same level of going to a friend struggling with pornography and inviting them to see a new website that they may love. I mean, it was a tough week. Didn’t they deserve it? Can’t they just go straight back to not watching porn the next day? (*insert facepalm*) 

We know the truth. In elementary school, we were given clear guidelines for fueling properly: eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Lean protein. Whole grains. Limit sugars and fats. Move and increase your heart rate for at least 30 minutes a day for 5-6 days a week. We have portion sizes that tell us when to stop. But we refuse to listen to our bodies as our stomachs are full because we have no self-control. None of that is defined in crash diets that discuss being “skinny” or “cheating”. Since when did we start to look at overcoming sin through those lenses? There aren’t quick fixes for overcoming addictions. It is daily making a choice to not engage in activities that will lead you to temptation. 

And don’t get me started on how often I tell my children that they can only have one sweet a day all the while I hide from them to eat more than my share of processed sugars because “I’m an adult”. Or I tell them to “Get up and move” because they have been watching too much TV all while I sit dormant. I have attempted to lose weight and blamed it on the program not working. When, in reality, I was the one that wasn’t working. I felt entitled. Like I could wish away the consequences of me living contrary to God’s Word. 

In my opinion, one of the biggest problems is that our culture has disconnected our physical health from our sinful nature. This has been a struggle that we allow programs and trainers to fix instead of begging for the Holy Spirit to give us more than a portion of self-control and to lead us not into temptation and to deliver us from evil. (Matthew 6:13) We give over our desire of health to become the god of sex-appeal or desire to one-up our neighbor. We would rather take a pill than address our weaknesses and desires for a change with those that are directly causing us to stumble. (My toes are getting so walked on right now that I literally am picking them up while I’m writing.) 

It is time we finally pick that piece of sawdust out of our eye before we continue to pursue the plank in everyone else’s. (Matthew 7:3) Until I address, repent, and run from this stronghold and these chains that have bound me and so easily entangle me with every meal and with every desire of laziness, I won’t be able to fully run the course that is in front of me. (Hebrews 12:1) Both literally and spiritually. 

Why do we refuse to give Christ this victory? Why do we not think that because of Christ’s love that we are more than conquerors? (Romans 8:37) Why do we insist on living in chains? Why are we determined it’s too hard or that it’s too big for the Lord to help us climb out from under this nutritional debt? Why do we pray more for the rescue of loved ones from THEIR own sins while an overwhelming majority of us Americans can’t qualify for insurance incentives because of our weight, blood pressure, blood sugar levels, and cholesterol… (I ran into that last week….) 

Am I saying that we are never allowed a treat? No. You absolutely are. But when those “treats” become an addiction that have adverse affects on our health, they have gone past a “treat” and has ventured into being a weapon of mass destruction. 1 Corinthians 10:23 says “‘I have the right to do anything’ you say, but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything,’ but not everything is constructive.” Ask yourself that. Is what I’m eating, drinking, or other ways in which you get substances in your bodies, building my body up to be as healthy as possible? You have two options: CONstruct or DEstruct. As our bodies are changing each day, we have to daily do our jobs to maintain them. Including taking a sabbath. If you’re not growing, you’re dying, right? 

And why are we so quick to dismiss health and fitness goals as “vanity”? (Y’all are seriously getting to wrestle with me here…) 

The other day, I was doing a hard workout. A workout I didn’t want to do. I was finishing my workout and considering dropping down to only giving a small portion of my effort until my 7 year old daughter walked in the room to watch me. Then I was flooded with the words from Titus 2:3-5 “… teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… to teach what is good…then they can urge the younger women…. to be self-controlled…” I had to show Nina that she has to consider her health. As the sadomasochist instructor on my workout video celebrated that it was “time for a bonus round!” and instructed us to get our weights and get in a squat and hold it until she said to get up. I wanted to skip it. I felt the desire to only drop half into my squat. Then I turned and stared into that sweet face. The face that came in to watch me work hard. The one who has heard me talk about me making poor choices for so long and now I have to work really hard to get my body healthy again. She came to watch me make changes. She came to watch me KEEP MY COMMITMENT TO MYSELF AND TO MY FAMILY. I had no choice but to drop into that squat and let her see my legs shake, my face grimace and for her to hear my grunts and see me sweat. It's time my daughter watched me FIGHT for what's right in own body as much as she sees me fight for other types of righteousness.  

My job, as her mother, is to teach her about Jesus. It is my job to teach her to be compassionate to others, to be a productive and independent human being. But it is also my job to not teach her about being “skinny” or about doing as little as possible in my workouts so she can check it off her list or that having an occasional treat as “cheating”. My job to teach her to be a good steward of the only possession she came into this world with. I I refuse for her to hear me speak of my fitness journey as what I "can" and "can't" eat but what is the best fuel. My job is to teach her to invite the Holy Spirit to fill her with ALL of His fruits and not just the ones that are easy. A daily dose of Him to fall on us like the manna on the Israelites. (Exodus 16) For each day to get the amount of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. for THAT day. (Galatians 5:22) To not crash diet to reach a point or an occasion. To not only overcome sin until reaching a desired number on the scale. But to be a continual steward of my body. To love myself as Christ loved the church. To teach my children when we rise and we go to sleep (Deuteronomy 6:4-7) that considering my physical health with all of my actions isn’t an action of vanity but of being a good caretaker of what I was given. That loving yourself isn’t selfish but that it’s necessary. That exercise makes me feel better, function better, and makes me a nicer person. That overcoming sin in their life and in my life IS possible. But that I need a heck of a lot more than a diet plan or a workout agenda. That I need Jesus to wrap me up every day. To offer me grace so that I am able to offer it to myself and to others. 

The greatest commandment is this: to love the Lord your God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. (Mark 12: 30) Until we give our physical health over as “sin” and not as a “struggle” or “the way I am”, those aren’t possible. I was told one time we shouldn’t say “Forgive me of my sins” because we don’t know what we’re turning away from until we acknowledge that a certain action is indeed sin. We have to name it and then tell someone that you’re struggling in your sin. The only way to offer our bodies as living sacrifices is to renew our minds (Romans 12:1-2) and to put on our new selves and die to our self. (Ephesians 4) 

In the same way we encourage others to flee from their sins, it’s time we, as both the Church (Big C church) and as Christ followers that gluttony is a sin and that we bask in it. We encourage it. We laugh at it. We celebrate it. We have competitions to see who can be the biggest glutton of all. How would our other sins look if we exercised the same “all or nothing” mentality we bring to our health and fitness journeys? Proverbs 23:21 categorizes us gluttons with drunkards. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 reminds us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we should honor OUR temples as we honor our church buildings. That we should stop calculating those who make their fitness a priority as them making it a god or as vanity because we’re insecure that they’re more disciplined than we are. (Oh, how my own insecurity is one of my biggest enemies.)

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 tells us that controlling our bodies is the will of God and it is our sanctification. 

2 Timothy 1:6-7 tells us to fan the flame of the gift of God by power, love, and self- control. Gal 5:1 tells us that we are set free by Christ FOR FREEDOM and to stand FIRM. 

Proverbs 5:23 tells us that we will die because of lack of self-discipline. 

Colossians 3:9-10 tells us that we can’t lie to each other about our old and new selves by that we are being renewed in the image in which we were created; the image of God. Romans 8:21 tells us that we will be frustrated by our sin and that we will be liberated from its bondage. 

And Paul lays is ALL on the line in 1 Corinthians 9:27 when he tells us that we will be DISQUALIFIED FROM PREACHING the Truth if we don’t discipline our bodies and keep them under control. 

I often say that the day I stop learning is the day I die. May today be the day that I say the same about the day I stop disciplining my body. 

Hebrews 12:28 says “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”

Let us be consumed with Christ as we receive His gift of life and accept that we are called to have life and have it abundantly. 

The Sounds of My Childhood

Tonight, I spent some of my birthday money. Okay, let me back up my truck.

Our yard has two enormous trees that drop these enormous nuts (I think Lee said they're hickory?). It sounds like someone was just shot every 30 seconds. And the leaves shed from August to November. So, I decided last night that I was going to use Lee's leaf blower to blow some leaves and nuts off of our deck. Funny thing though: I am terrible at pulling that little cord thingy that starts manly things like lawnmowers or weedeaters or blowers...

(Who am I kidding? I've never started a lawn mower in my life. I did try to weed eat a few times and one time chopped off half of my grandpa's magnolia bush and that one on the far right of his yard was significantly smaller due to this mishap. And he gave me a hard time about it all of the time until he died. Just providing entertainment.)

ANYWAY, I decided that I was going to blow off the deck. Y'all. I literally almost broke my leg/hip trying to start the dang thing. (And of course, one of my daughters from another mother was here to witness all of this grace.) My leg was still sore and tweaked this morning. It takes serious talent to be this special.

Fast forward to this evening. We were at Lowe's (because, Hi, my name is Carmen and I married a Boso man) and while Lee was returning some enormous screw/bolt thingumabob, I went and looked at blowers. I decided that I was going to spend some of my birthday money and buy a corded blower/vac. When we came home and I ripped into that sucker, (Pun absolutely intended) I tried both the blower and the vacuum function.

As I walked around sucking up leaves (And those awful nuts), I was transported by nearly all of my senses to my childhood. You see, my OCD side is something I come by honestly. Several nights a week in the Fall for all of my life, my dad has been outside with his leaf vac cleaning up the yard. I remember vividly after my grandaddy's death when I was 8. I didn't understand it all, seeing that I was so young.  But, I remember a week or so after he died, it was Halloween. I remember trick-or-treating and coming back to our yard that dad had been working hard to clean and I felt a peace that everything was returning to normal and it was going to be okay. The smell of the leaves mulching as they are extracted from the grass, the sound of the vacuum crunching the dead leaves, the feeling of the air as Fall enters, the sounds of the kids playing in the yard while it was all going on and the look of an abnormally clean yard that had recently been covered in dead fall foliage.

You know, for me, the biggest memories I have of my childhood are the little sounds and smells. The feeling of the finality of a day when I heard mom turn on the dishwasher and flip off the kitchen light. The smell of relaxation of the bacon being cooked for a Saturday morning breakfast. The sound of festivity with the Oak Ridge Boys Christmas tape playing in the car that brought all four of us to singing in the car ride home from church. The smell of the cinnamon lamp ring that mom would put on the lamp on Fridays while we were at school that made the whole house smell like a cinnamon broom while she baked 4 cookies from refrigerated dough (2 for me and 2 for my brother) as she awaited our return from school. Once we came in from school, we would sit down in the living room and this was the birth place of the random question game, "What was the best part of your day?" "What was the worst part of your day?" Every Friday.

As a mother raising children in the social media age where Pinterest dictates the constant feeling of inferiority and likes and comments determine our worthiness to throw a party or craft. (I need no help to feel inferior in both categories), it's easy to feel inadequate. But tonight, as the simple act of removing leaves from my yard transported me back to a brick house 2 hours away that isn't even owned by my family anymore, I began to reflect on something my mom told me a few years back. She said that, "It's not the big things that they [the kids] remember.  I would spend tons of time and effort to try to create a big memory. But now that you all are adults, it isn't the big things you remember, it's the little things that stick around." I found so much comfort in this.

As this year has been a year of me implementing daily disciplines, I have found so much of my business life, spiritual life, relationships, and physical health have all woven together. I listened to a training that one time stated that "Goals are met when we do daily disciplines". It's not met when you cram. It isn't the crash diet and a few weeks of a hardcore exercise program. It isn't spending hours 1x a month working. It's by DAILY doing the little things. Those are the things that stick around. Those are the things that translate to big changes. Those are the ways that goals are met in any area.

Sure, the big things can bring SOME fruit. But, how many people do we know that go to a church camp or a retreat and have a big coming to Jesus moment and then come home and have returned to feeling no change in 2 weeks. Or someone who does a crash diet where they consume 1,000 calories a day and workout for two hours a day and when life happens and they can't sustain it (Or they get too dang hungry), they're back where they were. What causes this? The lack of daily discipline. Daily disciplines, doing the little things every day, are the things that add up.

Don't pull the Valentine's approach to relationships. You can't act like a romantic person 1 day a year and not be able to determine why your relationshps are shot.  IT ISN'T THE BIG THINGS. Do the little things. Send the text when you think of it. Sit down and have a conversation. Open your Bible every day. Clean a little bit of your house every day. Find an exercise program that is life-giving for you (therefore is sustainable) and embrace that time. Invest in your business every day. Don't just show up; put your heart into it.

Proverbs 5:23 says, "He dies for lack of self-discipline and because of his great folly, he is led astray." If you're not growing, you're dying.

The extraordinary is built while being ordinary. Stop putting the pressure on yourself that you have to do the big things. Do the little things first. Give those your attention. And those little things are the ones that are going to get you where you need to be. It's okay to stop and take a breath.

And for the love, someone make that pull cord thing easier to pull.

A New Season

January of 2011. I sat in my living room in Summersville sobbing. Begging God to let this cup pass from me. It was the eve of me returning to teaching after my first maternity leave. I sat nursing a 4 month old baby girl feeling sick to my stomach and desperate for any other option. Not that I didn't love my job. (Because I DID. I REALLY did.) But because I didn't want to miss the moments. I didn't want to pump. I didn't want to shuffle babies to sitters and try to keep all of the balls in the air of the house work, the personal work, all while doing my duties at work.

The next day, I returned to work. I always said that the anticipation was much worse than the reality. Once I got into the swing of it and living my life by lists, we made it work. Nina spent a day a week with her dad, one with each set of grandparents, and two days with some amazing friends who loved on our girl. But it was exhausting.

In 2014, Brooks was born and I found myself in the same place when I returned to work with him. I was tense. I was overwhelmed. I still loved my job, but I felt like I was always behind. I LIVED for snow days because it gave me a few more hours to get ahead. But, I sarcastically began responding to people that I was "Living the dream". The thing was, I began to feel like I was on a hamster wheel to nowhere. Get on it every morning and run as hard and fast as I could until I fell asleep. Get back on it the next day. And the next day. And the next. Until the weekend and I tried to cram as much housework as possible into that small block of 48 hours. I didn't see any hope of getting off of the wheel. Running. Running. Tired, overwhelmed and frustrated that the day only gave me 24 hours.

In 2016, we moved to Huntington. Our first weekend in this new town, Lee and I sat down in the hotel bathroom (Because we didn't have a place to live yet and the kids were asleep.) and decided that I was going to start another new adventure (because our life wasn't adventurous enough when we moved) and begin my own business with Rodan and Fields. It was fun and encouraging and found that it was something I was good at and that I REALLY enjoyed.

As time progressed, we had two amazing babysitters (one the first semester we were here and another for the next school year) in Huntington that were completely Godsent. They loved our babies well. We were comfortable and confident. But I still got up every morning and got on the hamster wheel. I ran hard. My newly diagnosed Psoriatic Arthritis was exacerbated by the constant stress of learning a new job, being a pastor's wife at a new church, having two kids, trying to continue to strip wallpaper and move in the house, laundry, food, I gained 20+ pounds of stress eating and inability to regularly exercise. The wheel was hard. And my feet were moving faster than ever in an attempt to just keep my head above water.

Summer of 2017, our beloved babysitter decided it was time for her to spread her wings and use her degree and get a nursing job. (She seriously will be the best nurse!) As we began to process daycare and struck out on finding in home childcare, we evaluated my business. This "little side gig" wasn't little. This side gig was huge and has so much more growth potential. This "little side gig" was actually enabling me to stay home. It was happening! 6.5 years after I began to search for this opportunity, God has given me the desires of my heart through this amazing business. I had made many amazing friends who had been able to leave their full time jobs for this business and now I get to join them in this incredible journey.

So, after a few phone calls, letters, and emails,  I have resigned my teaching job and I'm off the wheel. I am ready to have time to talk to people and to rest. To not always be on the struggle bus of survival and to soak up the last few years I have of my littlest love being home. I am ready to have opportunities to love on people without the constant stress of the sound of the clock ticking in my ear.

At the turn of the year, I began to read the book "Overwhelmed" by Kathi Lipp and did my personal manifesto. I realized that so much of my manifesto was difficult because I was always on the run. I am ready to make good to these truths that I want to be part of me.

I have never known adult life where "teacher" wasn't in my wheelhouse. I will miss my students and my coworkers something fierce. This is uncomfortable. But change always is, right? But, as I have come to live my life by: nothing changes if nothing changes. And for me to live a life of peace, something had to change. By me saying "yes" to starting my own skincare business, God was able to use that platform to free me from the hamster wheel. As I know transition is hard, I'm ready to be mom full time. I'm ready to see how my business will continue to change my family's life and the lives around me and the lives of others who say "yes". I am ready to see my psoriatic arthritis go into remission because of reduced stress. I am ready for cuddles on cold mornings in the winter, the grocery store in the morning hours, not feeling like I'm constantly catching up, and to have time to meet with young women to encourage them in the faith.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." A new season is here. And I am excited to explore my new purpose.

And the next time I say "I'm living the dream" I'm going to not be using my gift of sarcasm.

Sometimes, We Need to be Offended

I was in my third year of undergrad at UT when I ACTUALLY got into the nitty gritty of my education classes. I remember getting my 40 page syllabus for my deaf education practicum class. (It may be bigger in my memories than it was in real life. In real life, it made me want to throw up) As I looked at the enormity of the class and its requirements, I began to feel overwhelmed. (I was NOT alone in the panic) As we were all expressing our imminent need for a paper bag to breathe into, I stated "All of this is just RETARDED!" The class stopped and looked at me. Like, looked at me in a way that immediately made me want to go back 15 seconds earlier and put all of those words back in my mouth and swallow them and then crawl into the biggest hole. It was after class that I realized that I was a major of a division of special education. And I was using that word to reference something I really didn't like. Out of all the words in the English dictionary, I chose that word. One that isn't even used any more to describe people with cognitive delays. It was at that moment that I realized how offensive I had been to a whole population of humans, their families, their service care providers, and to some of the most marginalized. Because I was being insensitive and not thinking.

Recently, I engaged in a conversation online in regards to a blog titled "One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying". I in NO way ever intended to start an online debate (Honestly, has anyone ever changed their opinion on anything based on a social media debate?!), but it did open up some discussion. One of the statements was that the commenter was tired of people always being offended by something. That she was tired of second guessing every word she says.

I get it. Me too. I'm afraid of being judged if I occasionally don't care that my kids are being quiet because they're watching YouTube for too long. I'm afraid of people thinking I'm unhealthy because I take antibiotics when prescribed or that I use Tilex to clean my showers. I get it that social media gives every single person who has a valid email address a public platform to declare their opinions as gospel and back it up by some other blogger who has unsubstantiated and subjective "data" to verify that their opinions are the only way to see it. It is exhausting. 

But, I'm gonna say this: sometimes, we NEED to be offended. Sometimes, we need to know that our words or our actions are hurtful, or inconsiderate. Sometimes, we need to know that something we are doing is causing others to not feel loved by us as we select a word from our vocabulary. As scripture speaks of not being inconsiderate of people by doing things that offend others, I fear that this is something we have lost out of being annoyed by being asked to change. But what about not being a stumbling block to someone? (1 Cor 8:12-13) What about loving your neighbors? (Matt 22:36-40) What about doing everything, in WORD AND DEED in the name of Jesus? (Col 3:17) 

As you read in all 4 of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), you will read that Jesus regularly offended people by calling them out on their actions. He spoke the Truth to them. They didn't want to hear it and they turned their heads and refused to listen and resolved to stop him. They were set in their ways and didn't want to be told that their ways weren't the way that The Lord had for them. 

Consider Hebrews 10:
12 But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, 13 waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. 14 For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.

24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.

We are BEING SANCTIFIED. We need to daily look to be more like Christ and to live a holier life. We aren't done being perfected and made holy until we are called to heaven. Meaning, that, daily, there are changes we need to allow to our words, our actions, and our thoughts to be sure that they all reflect Jesus and are obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). If a word I am using to describe someone that was created in the image of God hurts them and makes them doubt my love for them and therefore, doubt Jesus' love for them, then I am sinning deliberately.  

Don't misunderstand my words to say that I'm saying that we need to always be concerned about offending people, that we don't speak the Truth. But, Scripture is VERY clear that, to speak that Truth, it must be done in LOVE. And not just a "I love you, so I'm going to speak without thinking about how those words will feel as they roll off of my tongue and into your soul." But, as "I love you so much that I'm going to love you as the Heavenly Father loves you and I'm going to select my words so carefully that Jesus is all that's heard and not me."

The thing is, it isn't my job to convict people. The Holy Spirit does NOT need my help. He is perfectly sufficient to do His job. My job is clear: to love God and love people. 

Matthew 22:37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

On that day in the Spring of 2004, if a dear friend hadn't told me in love how offensive that word was to others, I probably would have continued to use it without thought. If someone hadn't listened to an activist who said "When you use this word to describe my race or people of my skin color, it hurts." certain words would still be used. Sometimes, we NEED to be offended. Sometimes, we need to change our status quo. 

This isn't about being politically correct. And please don't make it that. Don't debate whether or not someone's sin should be overlooked because you don't want to offend people. If that's what you're taking from this, then you are missing my point. I get that this may leave your toes feeling trampled. Mine have been too. But I'm so glad they were. 

If you're not sure, find a friend and ask. People are so much more gracious than you could ever imagine if you use the phrase, "Hey, I am working with a person who _____ and I don't want to offend them.  What's the proper way to ____?" THAT is love. That is considering the other person. So often, we sin because we are uncomfortable and aren't willing to ask the hard questions. They're welcome and they're okay. Be vulnerable. 

So, read the blogs, consider another perspective. Weigh it with prayer and act as you feel led. When you speak to someone about something that has potential for being offensive, remember that the person that you are talking about or to was called "special" and is part of the "whosoever" in John 3:16. I know that I regularly offend people (My foot thinks its home is permanently in my mouth), but God forbid, that I continue to do it once I am told otherwise. And, Lord, shut my mouth if my words keep a person from knowing the redeeming freedom that is Jesus. 

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." James 1:19