Then, once it came time to deliver her, we were checking in at the hospital. The woman at the desk asked if I had a living will or medical power of attorney. I laughed and said, "No, but it's 2010! Who dies in childbirth?" Dumbest. Statement. Ever. (As we all know, that was a definite twist that we hadn't anticipated.)
Since then, parenthood has been full of unexpected twists and turns. Fast forward 3 1/2 years and here we are pregnant again. Obviously, we have fallen in love with being parents to a girl and were expecting this to be a girl again. When we went for the ultrasound, we decided that instead of a gender reveal party (introverts, like myself, are scared of parties), we would have the ultrasound tech tell Nina the gender and then she could announce it to us. (Which quite excited a little 3 year old girl)
The ultrasound came and the first thing seen was the gender. She whispered in Nina's ear. Time froze as I realized I would finally be able to picture what our family would look like. Nina looked confused and said, "I think she said I'm having a sister?" The woman (who is a lifetime friend of the family) said "No, come here." We immediately knew, and Nina quickly announced, "It's a boy!" As with Nina (who was 95th percentile), he is quite a large baby (91st percentile).
The scan continued with the normal enthusiasm until we reached the placenta. Due to our previous exposure, I had a lot of knowledge (more than anyone should know about the baby-growing organ) about where it should be and what it should look like. As she scanned, I quickly stated that I had previously had placenta accreta and she then informed me that the placenta was low-lying and partially covering my cervix (placenta previa). We went to my OB appointment after and he confirmed that the baby was strong and healthy and seemed to be developing beautifully. He also stated that the placenta is seeming like it may be a problem again. Not only is the placenta covering the cervix, but also has attached in the same place as my previous placenta accreta, indicating a high chance of it repeating the engrowth. (A troubled place that we prayed the placenta wouldn't go to again)
As you can imagine, Lee and I are overwhelmed by the emotions and possibilities around it all. We will go back for another ultrasound at the end of June to see if the growth of the baby has lent itself to the placenta moving up and away from the cervix. (Which is a possibility) However, my uneventful pregnancy is now, officially, eventful. (And not in a good way.) We are making very calculated plans for the delivery of the baby and treatment to hopefully prevent the extreme circumstances from before.
We aren't mad at God nor questioning His plan. Even as Jesus was praying the night before the crucifixion, He didn't demand God's mind to change, but prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (Matthew 26:39) Since we aren't able to read God's plan for us nor are we able to see the bigger picture, we aren't praying for specific healing or for delivery from the circumstances. What we are praying for is calm in the storm. We are praying for peace in the turmoil. We are asking for contentment with the decided treatment. We praying for the opportunity to see God when our nature is to be angry with Him. As traumatic as the previous experience was, we have grown so much in our appreciation of our family and acknowledgment of what my purpose is in life. God left me here for a reason and since that time, I've been forced to evaluate why. Therefore, we aren't asking for a change in what is going on, but the strength to embody the fruits of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22)
There you have it. We have waited several days to say anything because we didn't know what to say nor did we even know what to feel. We are in the process of researching as much as possible to be informed and hopefully not blindsided. Unfortunately nearly all cases of accreta and previa are in previous cesearean patients (of which I am not). Also, researching makes us feel like we're doing something.
This weekend, I was overwhelmed by the song "Oceans". As our youth praise band sang, these words spoke so much to me:
"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand.
"I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine.
"Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now."
The mystery continues in so many aspects of my pregnancy. But luckily I know that there is a plan and I have zero control of it. And for now, I am resting in the sweet kicks of my baby boy, in my trust in my doctor, and the fact that God has never failed and He won't start now. No matter the outcome.
