The Sounds of My Childhood

Tonight, I spent some of my birthday money. Okay, let me back up my truck.

Our yard has two enormous trees that drop these enormous nuts (I think Lee said they're hickory?). It sounds like someone was just shot every 30 seconds. And the leaves shed from August to November. So, I decided last night that I was going to use Lee's leaf blower to blow some leaves and nuts off of our deck. Funny thing though: I am terrible at pulling that little cord thingy that starts manly things like lawnmowers or weedeaters or blowers...

(Who am I kidding? I've never started a lawn mower in my life. I did try to weed eat a few times and one time chopped off half of my grandpa's magnolia bush and that one on the far right of his yard was significantly smaller due to this mishap. And he gave me a hard time about it all of the time until he died. Just providing entertainment.)

ANYWAY, I decided that I was going to blow off the deck. Y'all. I literally almost broke my leg/hip trying to start the dang thing. (And of course, one of my daughters from another mother was here to witness all of this grace.) My leg was still sore and tweaked this morning. It takes serious talent to be this special.

Fast forward to this evening. We were at Lowe's (because, Hi, my name is Carmen and I married a Boso man) and while Lee was returning some enormous screw/bolt thingumabob, I went and looked at blowers. I decided that I was going to spend some of my birthday money and buy a corded blower/vac. When we came home and I ripped into that sucker, (Pun absolutely intended) I tried both the blower and the vacuum function.

As I walked around sucking up leaves (And those awful nuts), I was transported by nearly all of my senses to my childhood. You see, my OCD side is something I come by honestly. Several nights a week in the Fall for all of my life, my dad has been outside with his leaf vac cleaning up the yard. I remember vividly after my grandaddy's death when I was 8. I didn't understand it all, seeing that I was so young.  But, I remember a week or so after he died, it was Halloween. I remember trick-or-treating and coming back to our yard that dad had been working hard to clean and I felt a peace that everything was returning to normal and it was going to be okay. The smell of the leaves mulching as they are extracted from the grass, the sound of the vacuum crunching the dead leaves, the feeling of the air as Fall enters, the sounds of the kids playing in the yard while it was all going on and the look of an abnormally clean yard that had recently been covered in dead fall foliage.

You know, for me, the biggest memories I have of my childhood are the little sounds and smells. The feeling of the finality of a day when I heard mom turn on the dishwasher and flip off the kitchen light. The smell of relaxation of the bacon being cooked for a Saturday morning breakfast. The sound of festivity with the Oak Ridge Boys Christmas tape playing in the car that brought all four of us to singing in the car ride home from church. The smell of the cinnamon lamp ring that mom would put on the lamp on Fridays while we were at school that made the whole house smell like a cinnamon broom while she baked 4 cookies from refrigerated dough (2 for me and 2 for my brother) as she awaited our return from school. Once we came in from school, we would sit down in the living room and this was the birth place of the random question game, "What was the best part of your day?" "What was the worst part of your day?" Every Friday.

As a mother raising children in the social media age where Pinterest dictates the constant feeling of inferiority and likes and comments determine our worthiness to throw a party or craft. (I need no help to feel inferior in both categories), it's easy to feel inadequate. But tonight, as the simple act of removing leaves from my yard transported me back to a brick house 2 hours away that isn't even owned by my family anymore, I began to reflect on something my mom told me a few years back. She said that, "It's not the big things that they [the kids] remember.  I would spend tons of time and effort to try to create a big memory. But now that you all are adults, it isn't the big things you remember, it's the little things that stick around." I found so much comfort in this.

As this year has been a year of me implementing daily disciplines, I have found so much of my business life, spiritual life, relationships, and physical health have all woven together. I listened to a training that one time stated that "Goals are met when we do daily disciplines". It's not met when you cram. It isn't the crash diet and a few weeks of a hardcore exercise program. It isn't spending hours 1x a month working. It's by DAILY doing the little things. Those are the things that stick around. Those are the things that translate to big changes. Those are the ways that goals are met in any area.

Sure, the big things can bring SOME fruit. But, how many people do we know that go to a church camp or a retreat and have a big coming to Jesus moment and then come home and have returned to feeling no change in 2 weeks. Or someone who does a crash diet where they consume 1,000 calories a day and workout for two hours a day and when life happens and they can't sustain it (Or they get too dang hungry), they're back where they were. What causes this? The lack of daily discipline. Daily disciplines, doing the little things every day, are the things that add up.

Don't pull the Valentine's approach to relationships. You can't act like a romantic person 1 day a year and not be able to determine why your relationshps are shot.  IT ISN'T THE BIG THINGS. Do the little things. Send the text when you think of it. Sit down and have a conversation. Open your Bible every day. Clean a little bit of your house every day. Find an exercise program that is life-giving for you (therefore is sustainable) and embrace that time. Invest in your business every day. Don't just show up; put your heart into it.

Proverbs 5:23 says, "He dies for lack of self-discipline and because of his great folly, he is led astray." If you're not growing, you're dying.

The extraordinary is built while being ordinary. Stop putting the pressure on yourself that you have to do the big things. Do the little things first. Give those your attention. And those little things are the ones that are going to get you where you need to be. It's okay to stop and take a breath.

And for the love, someone make that pull cord thing easier to pull.

A New Season

January of 2011. I sat in my living room in Summersville sobbing. Begging God to let this cup pass from me. It was the eve of me returning to teaching after my first maternity leave. I sat nursing a 4 month old baby girl feeling sick to my stomach and desperate for any other option. Not that I didn't love my job. (Because I DID. I REALLY did.) But because I didn't want to miss the moments. I didn't want to pump. I didn't want to shuffle babies to sitters and try to keep all of the balls in the air of the house work, the personal work, all while doing my duties at work.

The next day, I returned to work. I always said that the anticipation was much worse than the reality. Once I got into the swing of it and living my life by lists, we made it work. Nina spent a day a week with her dad, one with each set of grandparents, and two days with some amazing friends who loved on our girl. But it was exhausting.

In 2014, Brooks was born and I found myself in the same place when I returned to work with him. I was tense. I was overwhelmed. I still loved my job, but I felt like I was always behind. I LIVED for snow days because it gave me a few more hours to get ahead. But, I sarcastically began responding to people that I was "Living the dream". The thing was, I began to feel like I was on a hamster wheel to nowhere. Get on it every morning and run as hard and fast as I could until I fell asleep. Get back on it the next day. And the next day. And the next. Until the weekend and I tried to cram as much housework as possible into that small block of 48 hours. I didn't see any hope of getting off of the wheel. Running. Running. Tired, overwhelmed and frustrated that the day only gave me 24 hours.

In 2016, we moved to Huntington. Our first weekend in this new town, Lee and I sat down in the hotel bathroom (Because we didn't have a place to live yet and the kids were asleep.) and decided that I was going to start another new adventure (because our life wasn't adventurous enough when we moved) and begin my own business with Rodan and Fields. It was fun and encouraging and found that it was something I was good at and that I REALLY enjoyed.

As time progressed, we had two amazing babysitters (one the first semester we were here and another for the next school year) in Huntington that were completely Godsent. They loved our babies well. We were comfortable and confident. But I still got up every morning and got on the hamster wheel. I ran hard. My newly diagnosed Psoriatic Arthritis was exacerbated by the constant stress of learning a new job, being a pastor's wife at a new church, having two kids, trying to continue to strip wallpaper and move in the house, laundry, food, I gained 20+ pounds of stress eating and inability to regularly exercise. The wheel was hard. And my feet were moving faster than ever in an attempt to just keep my head above water.

Summer of 2017, our beloved babysitter decided it was time for her to spread her wings and use her degree and get a nursing job. (She seriously will be the best nurse!) As we began to process daycare and struck out on finding in home childcare, we evaluated my business. This "little side gig" wasn't little. This side gig was huge and has so much more growth potential. This "little side gig" was actually enabling me to stay home. It was happening! 6.5 years after I began to search for this opportunity, God has given me the desires of my heart through this amazing business. I had made many amazing friends who had been able to leave their full time jobs for this business and now I get to join them in this incredible journey.

So, after a few phone calls, letters, and emails,  I have resigned my teaching job and I'm off the wheel. I am ready to have time to talk to people and to rest. To not always be on the struggle bus of survival and to soak up the last few years I have of my littlest love being home. I am ready to have opportunities to love on people without the constant stress of the sound of the clock ticking in my ear.

At the turn of the year, I began to read the book "Overwhelmed" by Kathi Lipp and did my personal manifesto. I realized that so much of my manifesto was difficult because I was always on the run. I am ready to make good to these truths that I want to be part of me.

I have never known adult life where "teacher" wasn't in my wheelhouse. I will miss my students and my coworkers something fierce. This is uncomfortable. But change always is, right? But, as I have come to live my life by: nothing changes if nothing changes. And for me to live a life of peace, something had to change. By me saying "yes" to starting my own skincare business, God was able to use that platform to free me from the hamster wheel. As I know transition is hard, I'm ready to be mom full time. I'm ready to see how my business will continue to change my family's life and the lives around me and the lives of others who say "yes". I am ready to see my psoriatic arthritis go into remission because of reduced stress. I am ready for cuddles on cold mornings in the winter, the grocery store in the morning hours, not feeling like I'm constantly catching up, and to have time to meet with young women to encourage them in the faith.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." A new season is here. And I am excited to explore my new purpose.

And the next time I say "I'm living the dream" I'm going to not be using my gift of sarcasm.

Sometimes, We Need to be Offended

I was in my third year of undergrad at UT when I ACTUALLY got into the nitty gritty of my education classes. I remember getting my 40 page syllabus for my deaf education practicum class. (It may be bigger in my memories than it was in real life. In real life, it made me want to throw up) As I looked at the enormity of the class and its requirements, I began to feel overwhelmed. (I was NOT alone in the panic) As we were all expressing our imminent need for a paper bag to breathe into, I stated "All of this is just RETARDED!" The class stopped and looked at me. Like, looked at me in a way that immediately made me want to go back 15 seconds earlier and put all of those words back in my mouth and swallow them and then crawl into the biggest hole. It was after class that I realized that I was a major of a division of special education. And I was using that word to reference something I really didn't like. Out of all the words in the English dictionary, I chose that word. One that isn't even used any more to describe people with cognitive delays. It was at that moment that I realized how offensive I had been to a whole population of humans, their families, their service care providers, and to some of the most marginalized. Because I was being insensitive and not thinking.

Recently, I engaged in a conversation online in regards to a blog titled "One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying". I in NO way ever intended to start an online debate (Honestly, has anyone ever changed their opinion on anything based on a social media debate?!), but it did open up some discussion. One of the statements was that the commenter was tired of people always being offended by something. That she was tired of second guessing every word she says.

I get it. Me too. I'm afraid of being judged if I occasionally don't care that my kids are being quiet because they're watching YouTube for too long. I'm afraid of people thinking I'm unhealthy because I take antibiotics when prescribed or that I use Tilex to clean my showers. I get it that social media gives every single person who has a valid email address a public platform to declare their opinions as gospel and back it up by some other blogger who has unsubstantiated and subjective "data" to verify that their opinions are the only way to see it. It is exhausting. 

But, I'm gonna say this: sometimes, we NEED to be offended. Sometimes, we need to know that our words or our actions are hurtful, or inconsiderate. Sometimes, we need to know that something we are doing is causing others to not feel loved by us as we select a word from our vocabulary. As scripture speaks of not being inconsiderate of people by doing things that offend others, I fear that this is something we have lost out of being annoyed by being asked to change. But what about not being a stumbling block to someone? (1 Cor 8:12-13) What about loving your neighbors? (Matt 22:36-40) What about doing everything, in WORD AND DEED in the name of Jesus? (Col 3:17) 

As you read in all 4 of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), you will read that Jesus regularly offended people by calling them out on their actions. He spoke the Truth to them. They didn't want to hear it and they turned their heads and refused to listen and resolved to stop him. They were set in their ways and didn't want to be told that their ways weren't the way that The Lord had for them. 

Consider Hebrews 10:
12 But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, 13 waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. 14 For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.

24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.

We are BEING SANCTIFIED. We need to daily look to be more like Christ and to live a holier life. We aren't done being perfected and made holy until we are called to heaven. Meaning, that, daily, there are changes we need to allow to our words, our actions, and our thoughts to be sure that they all reflect Jesus and are obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). If a word I am using to describe someone that was created in the image of God hurts them and makes them doubt my love for them and therefore, doubt Jesus' love for them, then I am sinning deliberately.  

Don't misunderstand my words to say that I'm saying that we need to always be concerned about offending people, that we don't speak the Truth. But, Scripture is VERY clear that, to speak that Truth, it must be done in LOVE. And not just a "I love you, so I'm going to speak without thinking about how those words will feel as they roll off of my tongue and into your soul." But, as "I love you so much that I'm going to love you as the Heavenly Father loves you and I'm going to select my words so carefully that Jesus is all that's heard and not me."

The thing is, it isn't my job to convict people. The Holy Spirit does NOT need my help. He is perfectly sufficient to do His job. My job is clear: to love God and love people. 

Matthew 22:37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

On that day in the Spring of 2004, if a dear friend hadn't told me in love how offensive that word was to others, I probably would have continued to use it without thought. If someone hadn't listened to an activist who said "When you use this word to describe my race or people of my skin color, it hurts." certain words would still be used. Sometimes, we NEED to be offended. Sometimes, we need to change our status quo. 

This isn't about being politically correct. And please don't make it that. Don't debate whether or not someone's sin should be overlooked because you don't want to offend people. If that's what you're taking from this, then you are missing my point. I get that this may leave your toes feeling trampled. Mine have been too. But I'm so glad they were. 

If you're not sure, find a friend and ask. People are so much more gracious than you could ever imagine if you use the phrase, "Hey, I am working with a person who _____ and I don't want to offend them.  What's the proper way to ____?" THAT is love. That is considering the other person. So often, we sin because we are uncomfortable and aren't willing to ask the hard questions. They're welcome and they're okay. Be vulnerable. 

So, read the blogs, consider another perspective. Weigh it with prayer and act as you feel led. When you speak to someone about something that has potential for being offensive, remember that the person that you are talking about or to was called "special" and is part of the "whosoever" in John 3:16. I know that I regularly offend people (My foot thinks its home is permanently in my mouth), but God forbid, that I continue to do it once I am told otherwise. And, Lord, shut my mouth if my words keep a person from knowing the redeeming freedom that is Jesus. 

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." James 1:19

Familytine's Day

One of my least favorite days of college was my senior year of college on Valentine's Day. Anyone who has been in Knoxville in the winter knows that it is COLD. Mind you, I grew up in the mountains of WV. We would get feet of snow at a time and single digit temps were the norm. But, in Knoxville, we would get 37 degree rain. As a college kid, this meant that you would be so cold, you would have to take a hot shower to warm up because that cold rain had soaked all the way down to your soul. I ran into my dorm, soaked, freezing, and the lobby of the sorority dorm was flooded with red roses. Everywhere. You couldn't even see the front desk. I just remember being really annoyed. It was cold and rainy and there were thousands of dollars of roses (THAT WERE GOING TO BE DEAD IN A WEEK) in the lobby. That was the beginning of my deep feeling of BLECH toward Valentine's Day.

For a while, I would wear black just to be a pain on the 14th. I had a wonderful husband who loved me well and he would have been in SERIOUS trouble if he would have spent that much on flowers for me for a holiday. (I mean, buy me a purse or some food, if you're dying to spend money on me. And it had better not be that box of mystery chocolates. Because I'm going to gag if I bite into that one with the cherry cream. Make it that heart shaped box of chickfila nuggets!)

In Summersville, the most WONDERFUL bakery was there and they made small, heart shaped cakes for Valentine's Day for $6. We are talking, their cakes are wedding cakes all of the time. (When I was pregnant with Brooks and on bed rest, I had a mental breakdown because I wanted a Creative Cake for Nina's birthday because she deserved a really good cake for putting up with a mother unable to get off the couch for 3 months, and I didn't think they were going to be able to make it. Seriously, lost my mind over this cake.) My friend from Beckley has driven to Summersville just to get a Creative Cake. It's just the best. AND FOR SIX DOLLARS?! SIGN ME UP, ROSIE!!

Soon after we moved, Nina fell in LOVE with baking. She asked months ago if we could bake our Valentine's Day cake. So, we ordered the heart shaped pan and were off to the races!

Since Lee nor I ever bought into the Valentine's Day scene (and the CROWDS. My introvert dies a little at the thought of going out on Valentine's Day),  we always just did a pot of soup and the Creative Cake and watched a movie. (Except for that one time, we drove to Myrtle Beach in a blizzard to run a half marathon when I was 6 weeks pregnant. *Side eye*)

Nina, however, loves all things celebratory. (I am not lying to you that she sent significant amount of time this morning planning Halloween for this year.) So, since we have always done low-key Valentine's, we're going to combine it this year with her desire to celebrate. We are officially starting FAMILYTINE'S DAY!

We have big plans for all things heart shaped that day to have the ultimate family day! We're doing heart shaped waffles for breakfast, making a heart shaped cake (We can't agree on the flavor), making soft pretzels shaped like hearts (hopefully... I've never actually made them) with a fondue pot of cheese dip, and making heart shaped pizzas for dinner. We've chosen a new movie for us to watch (the Trolls movie), and plan on cuddling and having fun doing nothing.

**To reduce time in the kitchen and increase time together as a family, I'm going to do a lot of it in advance. We'll make the cake and pizza dough on Monday. Also, we'll mix the dry ingredients for waffles and separate the eggs this weekend.

There are tons of ideas for things like this on Pinterest and I highly recommend pumping up Familytine's Day with your crew. We're pretty excited here!

Go all out! Let you kids know they don't have to hate this day because they don't have a significant other  and that love doesn't have to be romantic. Make a big deal out of how much you love them  and make sure you tell them more than once how loved they are by the King.

Now, to decide on the flavor of cake...