This Summer and Bed Rest

A teacher being married of a youth pastor means there is zero down time in a year. My busy time is his slow time and vice versa. And every year, in August, we say, "next year, we're not going to make this summer so jam-packed." And every year, by August, we're exhausted. This year proved to be no different and no less wonderful. A summer full of mission trips, camps, a beach trip, gardening... And bed rest. 

Halfway through my first week at camp, I noticed two white wrinkles at the top of the bridge of my nose and immediately noticed that my nose was beginning to swell. (A swollen nose was one of my first symptoms of pregnancy induced hypertension with Nina that later turned into preeclampsia.)I monitored my blood pressure for that week and the next and realized it was going up. I made an appointment with my OB and he began to evaluate. We were leaving for the beach just 6 days after returning from camp, so, he immediately began running tests. I packed for the beach and didn't know until less than 24 hours before we left if I was allowed to go. My tests came back that it was hypertension and not preeclampsia and was allowed to go to the beach on "take it easy" status. To avoid dragging this blog post through every appointment (I have 2-3 a week), and every blood pressure reading (2-3 a day), we have made it much longer in the pregnancy than I thought we would. When we began to realize this was going to be problematic, I received 2 steroid shots to mature the baby's lungs quicker, was told to transition from "take it easy when you can" to "you need to be still as often as you can". (Anyone who knows me, my OCD tendencies, and my high energy daughter, know that this is super tricky.) Even though I had the same "sentence" when I was pregnant with Nina, it was different this time. My first pregnancy, I think I felt like I was invincible and that I would break my baby (once born) if I pulled a shirt over her head. Now I realize how precious and sacred every day is that he gets to grow stronger inside of me and know that I probably won't hurt him if one of his arms gets stuck in his shirt. 

So, we wait. Two days a week, we are consumed with appointments. One day, I have a non-stress test, an appointment, and blood work. Another day, I have an ultrasound and an appointment. Other days of the week, what I do, or what I don't do completely hinges on those two sets of numbers on a blood pressure monitor. Some days, I allow myself to do a load of laundry (and sit to fold, of course), other days, I am "left side laying" (the way to best ensure most adequate blood flow to the arteries.) while trying to entertain Nina. (She often tells me, "Bed rest is just so boring for me." I know, kid. Join the club.) But we're adjusting. (We've been at this same routine for 7 weeks now. We'd better be adjusting.)

We have been consumed by kindness of friends and family through this whole ordeal. They have been eager to cook for us (Lee loves to cook, but is working and coaching soccer 5-6 days a week), call to check on us, offer to babysit, to bring reading material, to put up with my incessant texting... Some days, the love that we feel brings me to tears (and not just because of the hormones). But there are also days that are so tough. Especially early, I was researching NICU facilities, looking for preemie clothes, worrying if my bed rest was going to put Nina in therapy for the rest of her life, and being consumed with so many other possibilities. Basically, I have entirely too much time to think. 

On top if it all, as we rapidly are approaching delivery, we are faced with the unknowns of me having placenta accreta again. Traditional ways of testing for the condition (ultrasound and MRI) are for traditional cases (former cesarean patients or those with uterine scarring). The fact is, I shouldn't have had it the first time, so we have no idea if it will happen again. Our OB (who is a family friend) has been incredible to walk us through all of the possibilities and options. We are still praying for clarity as we make our decision as to how to handle this so to not have as traumatic of an experience as the last time. We desire your prayers as we seek wisdom, guidance, discernment, and courage.

Last week, I watched (and have watched again since) the interview with Dr. Kent Brantly about him surviving Ebola. (If you haven't seen it, you missed out on one of the greatest testaments to sharing The Lord through a terrible virus) Dr. Brantly talks about a prayer he prayed while he was in Liberia, "Lord, I know You can save me... But if you choose not to, I will remain faithful to You. I will not deny You." Oh, how my fears have been calmed by his prayer. We have no idea what will come about in the next few weeks, but we know we will remain faithful. 

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from The Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:1

Baby Update and Twists In Our Road

When we first got pregnant with Nina, we were convinced she was a boy. We gave her the nickname "Sven", I had boy bedding in my cart on a website, I even wore blue to the ultrasound. We both came from families of 2 kids with the oldest being a boy; it just made sense. At her ultrasound, we were all amazed at a girl! When we got in the car, "I Danced With Cinderella" was playing on the radio and Lee nearly flew into a furious rage about the song. He was instantly a dad of a girl and had no desire to envision her wedding reception.

Then, once it came time to deliver her, we were checking in at the hospital. The woman at the desk asked if I had a living will or medical power of attorney. I laughed and said, "No, but it's 2010! Who dies in childbirth?" Dumbest. Statement. Ever. (As we all know, that was  a definite twist that we hadn't anticipated.)

Since then, parenthood has been full of unexpected twists and turns. Fast forward 3 1/2 years and here we are pregnant again. Obviously, we have fallen in love with being parents to a girl and were expecting this to be a girl again. When we went for the ultrasound, we decided that instead of a gender reveal party (introverts, like myself, are scared of parties), we would have the ultrasound tech tell Nina the gender and then she could announce it to us. (Which quite excited a little 3 year old girl)

The ultrasound came and the first thing seen was the gender. She whispered in Nina's ear. Time froze as I realized I would finally be able to picture what our family would look like. Nina looked confused and said, "I think she said I'm having a sister?" The woman (who is a lifetime friend of the family) said "No, come here." We immediately knew, and Nina quickly announced, "It's a boy!" As with Nina (who was 95th percentile), he is quite a large baby (91st percentile). 

The scan continued with the normal enthusiasm until we reached the placenta. Due to our previous exposure, I had a lot of knowledge (more than anyone should know about the baby-growing organ) about where it should be and what it should look like. As she scanned, I quickly stated that I had previously had placenta accreta and she then informed me that the placenta was low-lying and partially covering my cervix (placenta previa). We went to my OB appointment after and he confirmed that the baby was strong and healthy and seemed to be developing beautifully. He also stated that the placenta is seeming like it may be a problem again. Not only is the placenta covering the cervix, but also has attached in the same place as my previous placenta accreta, indicating a high chance of it repeating the engrowth. (A troubled place that we prayed the placenta wouldn't go to again)

As you can imagine, Lee and I are overwhelmed by the emotions and possibilities around it all. We will go back for another ultrasound at the end of June to see if the growth of the baby has lent itself to the placenta moving up and away from the cervix. (Which is a possibility) However, my uneventful pregnancy is now, officially, eventful. (And not in a good way.) We are making very calculated plans for the delivery of the baby and treatment to hopefully prevent the extreme circumstances from before. 

We aren't mad at God nor questioning His plan. Even as Jesus was praying the night before the crucifixion, He didn't demand God's mind to change, but prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (Matthew 26:39) Since we aren't able to read God's plan for us nor are we able to see the bigger picture, we aren't praying for specific healing or for delivery from the circumstances. What we are praying for is calm in the storm. We are praying for peace in the turmoil. We are asking for contentment with the decided treatment. We praying for the opportunity to see God when our nature is to be angry with Him. As traumatic as the previous experience was, we have grown so much in our appreciation of our family and acknowledgment of what my purpose is in life. God left me here for a reason and since that time, I've been forced to evaluate why. Therefore, we aren't asking for a change in what is going on, but the strength to embody the fruits of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22)

There you have it. We have waited several days to say anything because we didn't know what to say nor did we even know what to feel. We are in the process of researching as much as possible to be informed and hopefully not blindsided. Unfortunately nearly all cases of accreta and previa are in previous cesearean patients (of which I am not). Also, researching makes us feel like we're doing something. 

This weekend, I was overwhelmed by the song "Oceans". As our youth praise band sang, these words spoke so much to me:

"You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep, my faith will stand.

"I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine.

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand will be my guide.

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now."

The mystery continues in so many aspects of my pregnancy. But luckily I know that there is a plan and I have zero control of it. And for now, I am resting in the sweet kicks of my baby boy, in my trust in my doctor, and the fact that God has never failed and He won't start now. No matter the outcome. 

Giving up a bad habit

Recently, I was having dinner with Lee when we saw a well-admired mother in our community who has multiple children who have attended, and graduated from the top of their class at one of our country's most prestigious colleges. This family has made unique choices in their family that have obviously worked very well for their family. We asked the mother if one of her children would be participating in a particular sporting event (one that would require considerable time). She went on to express that she didn't think it would work well with their family schedule and then said words that have become engrained upon my whole inner-thought process: "That's just not our priority." (The child would still play the sport, just not for that organization.)

I was taken in a flashback to Lee coming home from a retreat for pastors several years ago and they had a priority session. They asked them to make a list of what they would consider a priority in their life. Then, on a separate list, they asked them to make a list of where they spent most of their time. I don't know about you and your time, but my time constraints don't always align with my set priorities. Since this conversation, I have found myself really weighing what we do, and the priority in which we put it. 

Knowing the majority of people I know (much like myself) would put down God and family as definite priorities, I then weighed how I spent my time. Does where my time goes reflect those as my top two priorities? How about when I try to mix the two and have spending time with God with my family. Or spending time to impress upon my children the Truths that have set me free. Is that shown?

As I evaluated my time, I was nearly sickened by myself in one particular area: my time I have spent on social media. I have found that when I am having "family time", I seemed to always have a growth in the form of my phone refreshing news feeds and timelines. Even if my phone isn't in my hand, frustration or preoccupation with what I've read is with me, influencing the way I feel and the conversations I have. The more I realized how much time I spent on social media, I also realized what a habit it had become. The amount of time that I am seemingly "engaged" in conversation, but every two seconds, I am hitting the phone button and opening my phone to check for notifications. I hated the way I have become the topic of countless blogs pointing to our lack of social engagement. I realized that I am choosing interest in people's posts over taking interest in my people. I have chosen communication with people I have met once over communication with those I have committed my life to. (I really hate when I have to end a sentence in a preposition.)

So, I am in the process of setting my priorities straight by kicking this bad habit. I will still have Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and will still post to the three. But, I am refusing to live my life attached to my phone to see how others are living theirs. Because, let's be honest: if that's how I'm living, I'm not living at all.

I'm not saying this to say that smart phones are the devil (even though I may have been searching for my old Razor). And I'm definitely not saying that everyone is as addicted to the habit as I am. (I may or may not have diagnosed Lee with the same addiction.) But, for me, I don't want Nina to remember me as someone she can only reach if she tweets me. I want to look her in the eyes and have a conversation and we know how to respond to one another. 

I hope the "that's not our priority" echoes through my mind for years. When we choose new jobs, activities, etc., I want to be able to align them with my priorities. 

I will spend the next few weeks redefining my priorities, evaluating my time, and kicking the button-pushing habit. If it takes me a while to get back to you, I've left my phone in a different room (or have had to force myself to uninstall apps to give me more of a barrier) and am probably involved in coloring, tickling, or talking about our days, as I should. Because that IS my priority. 

Pregnancy update: week 15

15 weeks (actually 14 weeks, 6 days. But for real, it's close enough) 

(Forgive how fancy I look today. It's Spring Break!)

By all sources, we are officially in the second trimester! (Praise Jesus!) Pregnancy so far is really going well. First trimester was vexed with all-day sickness from week 6 (pretty sure starting on race weekend) and flu-like fatigue. (All of which are normal and good signs of things going well!) (Also things that I'm so glad are over)

As with Nina, I show early and get traditional signs and symptoms earlier than the books say I should. I was in maternity clothes at 9 weeks and have already felt daily movements from the little one. (I first felt Nina at 13 weeks) Most folks think I'm crazy. And they're right. But, 'tis true.

(Me at 9 weeks.)

Generally, my symptoms are quite different than with Nina: 

-with this one, I felt car sick all day every day that got progressively worse during the day. 

-With Nina, I was only sick if I ate an apple before lunch. Weird. 

-With this one, my whole body is covered in dry skin that has turned into eczema (sometching genetic that I've had since I was 2 months old)

-With Nina, my face was a pizza: oily and covered in red spots. (Mom laughs about a morning I called her sobbing saying that my body would never be the same. She silently laughed in agreement, but was sweet and empathetic. Then she realized I meant my acne and then she could offer me hope.)

(15 weeks with #2 versus Nina. Obviously, I wasn't on spring break at 15 weeks with Nina.)

Many people say that it must be a boy since the pregnancies are so different. But, I have many friends with the same gender baby and completely different pregnancies. I won't be sold on a gender until the ultrasound. Also, folks ask what we want. All we want is a healthy baby. It would be more convenient to have a girl, since we have girl things, but fun to have a boy to have one of each. (And I would be lying if I said having a boy would make me nervous! I know girls! I mean, I kind of am one, but am willing to learn to be rough and tumble.)

No stretch marks yet and sleep is okay. Just a few nights of insomnia and 1-2 potty breaks a night. Appetite is slightly more, but not insatiable. Cravings have been few. Early in the pregnancy, all I could choke down was crunchy tacos, or  Asian food (Japanese, Chinese, Thai... I didn't descriminate). Now, I have a hankering for chocolate milkshakes, but have only given in a few times. It's a catch 22. I want sweets, but sweets make me feel nauseous. 

I haven't run any since the half-marathon. Now that the trimester of fatigue is over, I've had a cold followed by a sinus infection. I'm hoping to start putting miles back in today or tomorrow. Running is the only thing I really miss. 

Generally, this has been an uneventful pregnancy (I like it that way). I have had a few weird episodes of having a tingly tongue. The first time, I had a banana and 15 minutes later, a tingly mouth and tongue. I have had bananas since and no problems. Several weeks later, I had a babybel cheese then tingly tongue, dizzy, disoriented and felt like I was going to pass out. Lee had to pick me up from work and I slept for several hours. I felt tired for a few days after, but good. Then last week, I had spaghetti (with no cheese) and got tingly mouthed again. (But no other symptoms) I googled it (what else is a girl to do?! *grin*) and many people suggested food allergies. No foods are in common and I've had the food other times with no problems. The only thing that is in common is the time of day it happens: lunch time. It's odd and I'm doing massive detective work. (And promise to mention it to my doctor at my appointment next week.)

We have names narrowed down and nursery ideas rolling around, but can't move on either until we have a gender. Although Nina wants a sister, she informed me that "I won't be sad if we have a boy!". So basically, none of us care at all about which we get. 

More updates to come! 

QOTD: Have you ever had tingly tongue symdrome during pregnancy? (I named it myself. Don't be googling my pretend disorder)

The best advice I've ever been given

I've been given a lot of advice in my life. Especially when it came to college choices (let me take this moment to give a big "Go vols!" for their win in the NCAA tournament!! It's Tennessweet 16!), ministry, and heaven help, when you start having children. (That's one part of pregnancy that I was NOT prepared for! So far, the second baby seems to come with less unsolicited advice.)

As many pieces of advice have been invaluable, there are three different things that have been said to me that I echo in my mind often and always bring me to a place of reality. (And they came from 3 of my favorite women!)

1. You can't argue with crazy; crazy always wins - Melissa Dorsey

Any time I have gotten myself all bent out of shape and think of "what I'm going to say...", I'm always reminded of this especially when I'm reading things on social media that people are obviously feeling strongly about and other people start to argue with them and by the end of 259 comments, people are cussing, calling names and getting tons of "likes" for an extra-cutting remark. The argument ends and nothing is solved except that a relationship has ended and two parties have labeled the other as "hateful". 

Or maybe it is a person that suddenly gives you a piece of their mind and you have NO idea where their accusations have come from. This is where Lee's quote, "perception is reality" comes to play. How someone perceives a situation is what they think is true. And they're not gonna change their minds. I've also found that the crazy comes out in me the fastest when I let the crazy in my head. So, don't argue with crazy; crazy always wins. (And thanks to y'all that have put up with me when I've been the crazy.)

2. Don't go to the doctor if you have zero intention of taking their orders. - Meg Ashby

Second opinions may occasionally be sought after, but if I'm going to go to the doctor, sit in the waiting room for an hour, get an exam, and pay my co-pay, I'm going to take what the doctor says as some type of seriousness. People make a career doing what they do because they know something about it. And if I know all there is to know, why would I go ask? If I want opinions about running, and am faced with a professional runner or an ice skater, I'm going to listen to the one that has studied the races, tried out lots pacing techniques, has run thousands of miles, and thinks about running all the time.

I have zero medical training (okay, a few nuggets of audiology training that can help with ear problems, but that doesn't really count as being a "medical professional".) Some of the worst news from the doctors I've gotten was the bed rest diagnosis (I've been blessed with great health), but knowing that my doctor went to school for many many years to know what's best for mommas and babies, I listened, and I was able to keep that baby cooking for a bit longer. And paid my copay. 

3. Your #1 goal as a mother is to raise and teach your children how to be independent adults. -Jeanne Lowe

As a mother, I have found that there are multiple things that would just be easier if I did it myself. But, I think back to the things I was taught to do as a child that made a transition to adulthood so much easier. (Helping with laundry, learning how to cook, setting the table, etc.) Not only did I learn basic tasks, I also learned that the world and the people in it, didn't revolve around me, but that I was a small part of a greater world and I had to contribute to do my share. People were counting on me (both as a kid and as an adult) to do my job and if I did my part, everything worked more smoothly and the stress was alleviated.

I have also found this very helpful when it comes to emotional milestones. With Nina, there have been days where I want to hold on to the days of the past, and I remind myself that The Lord has given me this opportunity to raise up children that will love Him, will love his creations, and will come to learn and embrace their personal gifts. That's my job: to disciple, teach, and encourage. When she moves out of our house, hopefully she will know many basic tasks that she can pass on to her children. (The kid has already asked how long she has to wait until she can use the stove.)

The thing I am most grateful for is that these women pour their lives and wisdom into my life and the lives of others. 

And I'm so glad they're never the crazy. 

Fly to the Desert for Fun in Las Vegas

As I mentioned in my last post, I was pairing with Kendra to do her favorite travel spot. Here she is! 

Fly to the Desert for Fun in Las Vegas

 

Despite its reputation as Sin City, Las Vegas has a broad selection of things to do. Sometimes, I bring the kids along and enjoy family shows and activities. Other times, I go on business but take the time to hit a spa or a couple of great bars. Whatever brings you to Las Vegas; there will be plenty to keep you occupied throughout your stay.

 

1. The Spa at Aria Las Vegas

Although Vegas boast’s several quality spas, my favorite is the spa at Aria Las Vegas. This spacious resort is the perfect place to get away from the bustle of city life. As soon as I step inside, I feel the stress begin to melt away. Of course, lying on the warm stones of the Ganbanyoku beds takes the relaxation even farther. This spa also features a wide variety of massages and treatment options.

 

2. Wining and Dining

There are thousands of places to eat or grab a drink in Las Vegas. My favorite pairing involves a juicy steak and red wine. As a special treat, watch the water show from a table at SW Steakhouse. Scotch lovers will enjoy selections at Tom Colucchio’s Craftsteak. Affordable prices and delicious Italian food are always available at Fiamma Trattoria.

 

3. Mandalay Bay

It isn’t difficult to forget that Las Vegas is located in the desert. At Mandalay Bay, you can enjoy the water and relax on a sandy beach. The lazy river is a favorite attraction of mine. Kids love the wave pool. This is definitely my idea of a great place to spend a vacation.

 

4. Cirque du Soleil’s O

Of course, you can’t come to Las Vegas and not see a show. I love Cirque du Soliel. Their show O is staged using a 1.5-million-gallon pool. The water moves as the pool changes shape throughout the performance. The stunts and various characters leave the audience begging for more.

 

I hope I’ve inspired you to book your own trip to Las Vegas. The city certainly offers a large variety of hotels that cater to any family’s needs. Sites like Gogobot make it easy to read user reviews and find some cool tips and tricks. No two trips here are alike, so I’m sure you’ll find some of your own favorite things to share with others. I bet you’ll enjoy yourself so much that you plan a second trip as soon as possible.

 

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Okay... we're not really. I was asked by Kendra to write a blog about my favorite place I've ever traveled. I've done a decent amount of traveling in my day, so picking a spot was the toughest part. I began to consider my favorite trips:

- Multiple family vacations to Myrtle Beach, SC. (or as we call it here in WV, "The Beach") This would include lots of time with the clan, and tons of fun with Nina (even though she much prefers the pool to the ocean or sand). We're creatures of habit and comfort, therefore "the beach" is always a winner.

- Several trips to Walt Disney World with my 2 favorite times being in 2004 when all 4 Lowes were adults and had an "adult" Disney trip. (All very relative, knowing we still rode as many rides as possible) and in 2009 with just me and Lee as we laid around the pool and decided that it was time to add children to our family (Nina was born 13 months later).

- Several super fun trips to visit Lee's sister and BIL in D.C. (Bless their hearts, they're our permanent tour guides. And cupcake guides. I don't think they mind that part.)

- A few trips to visit my Auntie. (both in Seattle and Brussels) I haven't taken Lee to Seattle yet, mostly bc I know we would be moving there before our return flight. That city is his spirit animal. Or city. Whatever.
- And a family trip this past summer to watch my childhood "little sister" get married in Alaska. Such a beautiful state. If only it wan't so blasted far away! 

I decided to focus it on mine and Lee's weekend getaway spot, Stonewall Resort.

When Lee and I were engaged, we read a ton of books and our amazing friends, JD and Rhonda, met with us regularly to help walk us through marriage to help us think past the bells and butterflies and discuss conflict, finances, children... And we always found some food, too. One of the things we discussed was the need to keep romancing each other after diaper changes were more frequent than weather changes in WV in March.  

I nursed Nina for 13 months, therefore never spent the night away from her. As Lee's 30th birthday approached, we decided we would go away, the two of us, to celebrate. After much apprehension, we left Nina with Grami and drove an hour and fifteen minutes north to this local resort that friends had raved about. 

As we drove in, we found an incredible lodge and we were immediately in love. We checked in, went to have burgers at TJ Muskies that has fireplaces and a cozy environment. We fell in love with their Fripps and Dip (They're not fries and they're not chips. But they ARE addicting and amazing.) and the Smokehouse Burger. (Bacon, smoked Gouda, BBQ sauce, French fries onions. Yum!)

They have an outdoor, lake front fire pit and often have s'mores supplies handy and Adirondack chairs set up. They have an indoor/outdoor heated pool. With hot tubs both indoor and outdoor. There are maps of all kinds of trails, a campground, and a super nice golf course. ("Super nice" is how those of us who always come in last in put-put describe courses that bring people in based on the course alone.) Lee and I love early morning running there.

In the mornings, their breakfast buffet at Stillwater's is top notch. Be sure you don't miss their homemade granola. You will thank me. 

The beds are comfortable and rates are affordable. The spa is top of the line. We've had a couple's massage, a facial, pedicures...  Love it. 

We love that it's so close by and we can make quick, one-night trips. (Very important when you're married to a pastor and Sunday is a work day.) We also love that it's a spot that has everything you need without leaving the property. 

My favorite part is that it has become our weekend date place. We both chose to celebrate our 30th birthdays there and went there for a reset getaway this past fall. It has been the place where we're reminded that before we were "mom and dad" we were "Carmen and Lee". It feels like a quick, mini-honeymoon fully equipped with beautiful views, awesome food, and tons of togetherness. Stonewall is where we fall in love again every time we go.

(Mushy post over.)