My Deep Running Thoughts

Today, Lee took the senior high youth to Marshall University to explore the campus and attend Baptist Campus Ministries. I left early this morning to take my car for an oil change and Nina to her first dentist appointment (with my mom being nothing short of the best hygienist ever)

(Nina was awesome and was fascinated by Gigi's office)

 The glasses were to help with the bright light, but Nina is convinced it's so she matched Gigi.

The longer I was alone today, the more I had nervous time to think. Those of you who have been subjected to listening to my constant internal dialogue know that when left alone with my thoughts, constant worse-case scenarios play in my mind. And you, my dear readers, are about to be subjected to a censored, less dramatic version of my internal thoughts from today.

(You have been warned. You can stop reading at the cute kid in the dentist's chair)

This Sunday is my first half-marathon. When I set out for this half, I'm not going to lie when I say that I thought I would probably get hurt, fall behind on my training, or develop another sinus infection (only one in the whole 12 week plan; I'm pretty sure that's a new record for me!). Due to Lee's very busy Saturday schedule, most of my Saturday, long runs have been on the treadmill (If it hadn't been for The Bachelor, I would have never gotten through). So, my 10 mile run comes about and I KNOW it's time for me to hit the pavement, not the basement. 10 wasn't too awful. Had some noticeable hip pain from hills, but nothing too bad. Even wore my favorite heels to a wedding that afternoon

  Then 11 mile day came. I left the run thinking it was awful. (I have to walk a lot because I believe I'm more ADD than I ever imagined and non-stop running for 2+ hours just drives me nuts.) I finished it in 2:17. Not bad at all for hoping to be around the 2:15 mark for the race (Especially knowing how much worse the hills are in Summersville than in pretty much anywhere else). Then 12. Dear heavens. I'll spare you the horrible details of walks, boredom, and even stopping off at Dairy Queen. (Just to fill up my water bottles, I swear) I will tell you that there was a ginormous, dead fox on the side of the road that I almost took a picture of (just another excuse to stop running for a bit), but didn't think y'all would want to see a squished road kill with brains and intestines bulging. However, I finished 12 miles in 2:43. Humiliating. I nearly didn't post my run to RunKeeper to hide my slowness.

The panic button had been pushed. Could I finish 13.1? Yes. May my time just disappoint me so much that I wish I hadn't run? It's possible. I immediately start texting my seasoned half-marathon friend, Cindy (who is an English teacher and I know she reads my blog. Totally makes me paranoid about punctuation. When in doubt, use "...") She assured me that nerves are normal and that I'll surprise myself with completing, not in last place (Still not sure I'm buying her on that one). My doubts have continued to get a hold of me and have completely been stalking my brain. But in the last 24 hours, I have been given the best advice yet 1) From my sister-in-law: "This is just you. Not Lee and his times. Just you." Anytime I would start to tell her about my insecurity of running the same race as my husband who has gotten much faster since his first half-marathon, she countered with "Nope. Just you." (Love her.) And from Cindy 2) It's not going to get cancelled. This is going to happen. No backing out now.

This week, I have a few light runs to keep my legs moving, but let them rest. Today, was a 2 mile at race pace and I finished with the Christian battle cry "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin. "I know who goes before me. I know who stands behind. The God of angel armies, is always by my side." This week, I am determined to not let the enemy tell me what I can't do. My running time is my favorite worship time (even though I have to keep my hands down while doing long runs. I'm always afraid people will think I'm flagging them down instead of worshiping.). Karen speaks the truth that it isn't about Lee, but it's also not just about me. I have a date with my worship playlist on Sunday morning to prove to Him that I will "present my body as a willing sacrifice, holy and acceptable to Him". (Romans 12:2) That "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13) When I hit the hill on Sunday, at mile 11 and I start to think "I can NOT do this for 2 more miles" I'll remember that 1) that hill has 100' less than the awful hill we run on 19 and 2) "Nothing formed against me shall stand. You hold the whole world in Your hands. I'm holding on to Your promises. You are faithful. You are faithful." Therefore I will be.