Family Dinner

As a kid growing up, we ate dinners together. I can't think of many nights where we didn't. My mom has always been an excellent cook, but most of the time, these meals were never anything complicated or fancy. We had lots of quick meals that this picky eater would eat. (Hard to fathom that I used to be picky.) My mom worked, dad was bivocational (a English teacher and a pastor), Travis played soccer, I cheered and was in gymnastics. Things were busy, but we ate dinner. (Mom recalls many meals eaten in the car, but honestly, I remember none) I remember some nights of dinner being reheated and hanging out while the one who was out ate dinner. It was important and a priority, and we knew it.

When I taught high school, I would discuss this with my classes. In a class of 30, I was feeling great if I had 5 kids that said that they ate dinner as a family at least 3 days a week.

Recently, many studies have emerged around the importance of this lost tradition. They point to higher ACT scores, lower rates of teen pregnancy, lower obesity rates, and lower incidence of teen drug use. All of that with one meal. 

People often wonder what has happened to society. How could it be so grossly misled? How could we appear to be making less intelligent decisions as a whole? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, in most cases, it can be connected to the breakdown of the family. There seems to be no check in and time to talk. When we spend our days at work and school, come home and turn on electronics, eat dinner separately, bathe, bed, repeat, we become strangers to those who share our name and our roof. Eventually, you don't know what happened in their day. You don't know what kids got in trouble (and maybe it's yours who talked too much during circle time and had to move their clothes pin just a few days at a new school. Theoretically.). You also aren't able to find out food likes and dislikes (apparently Nina has recently developed a strong dislike for cooked carrots. She said it makes her stomach turn thinking about it. It makes my stomach turn thinking about the 15 minute meltdown over one bite).

We have found that the #1 component in arguments goes down to unmet and uncommunicated expectations. Luckily, Lee grew up in a family where meals as a family were just as important. So, now that we have a family, we have continued this every evening activity. We try to never miss it.

 If this is something you don't do (or have never done), here are some good rules to go by: 

1) No phones. This includes mom and dad. And iPads. (Sorry YouTube Kids)

2) No tv

3) Everyone stays seated (something we have to remind a certain 5 year old every few minutes some nights)

4) TALK - If you're not sure where to start, do "high/lows". Go around the table and everyone talks about their best part of the day and the worst part. It will get conversation rolling.

5) I am not a short order cook. Everyone gets input on our weekly menu when I make it on the weekend. Yes and no votes get considered then. Nina always gets at least one meal that is 100% her choice. On dinner night, it is what it is. If there is something I anticipate Nina not liking (Brooks will eat everything), I let her help cook it and/or pick it out at the store. 9/10 times, she will eat whatever she can take pride in. And, if not, you still have to try one bite of everything. (No hateful comments on this. I've read the blogs. I'm doubting I will mess up my kid by her having to eat a few bites of a less than desirable vegetable. Lee and I were both kids who made harsh judgements on foods long before we ever tasted them to later find them delicious.) (Here's looking at you, broccoli.)

Try it. If it feels awkward, fake it til you make it. Try it 1 night a week for a month, then increase it to 2 nights. Let your goal be 5 nights a week and see what happens. 

We might not be able to change the world, but we can change 1 habit of our family. Start with this small change and big things will happen. 

Eat and enjoy with those you love the most. (And maybe promise ice cream to those who do)